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  • Points of notice:
  • Bangalore Jujutsu club = Ashwin’s dojo wherein an old lady floored muggers by smashing the temple (ashwin = multiple expertise on styles)
  • Puneet practices celibacy as a discipline (style: shotokan karate)
  • Shravan is 12 and fond of karate (style: shotokan karate)
  • Wolf is bad with directions (Ashwin ended up on the recieving side on his sense of direction during his stay in Bombay) and rides a bullet (style: Freeflow street fighting, neiweichuan learning)
  • Neville = helps out Aum and Wolf with their Martial Arts and tools people a lot (style: neiweichuan)
  • Bino Ryu = a Martial art with very unfit people and ummm… lame (sohail is a student)
  • Aum = doctor, well known for breaking bricks and being fond of meat (style: neiweichuan)
  • Musa= An enthusiast of ninjutsu from pakistan
  • Benny = Tall boy into functional training, primarily from ebooks (style: freeflow, jujutsu learning)
  • Central character is fictional and any resemblance is a coincidence (lol, not really)

Pre Binot Ryu Era.

Bangalore: 2007

August 10th

I just had it, I received my 100th wedgie today, they hosted a celebration in school for it too.
After getting my ribs smashed again in kabbadi practice, I wanted to know why I am not strong at all.
I mean I had done all those courses! I am a certified instructor! I got 65% on my online test as I earned my ninjutsu black belt, I paid 600$ for it too.
I wanted to be strong now, as I watched the cartoon, I figured why.
‘You can be very strong if you are protecting someone’ the master said. THAT WAS IT! I was going to find myself something to protect!
I was so eager to tell mom about this.
Her room is always locked. Though she started a ninjutsu system where I shout if there’s something I need at the keyhole, real fighters don’t need eyes.
Poor mom, her air conditioner would damage itself everyday, the electrician made frequent trips and mom’s day was washed away monitoring his actions.
My mom is so clever and such a fighter \m/
I went to her and screamed at the keyhole
‘Mom! Mom! I know why I am weak!’
‘UHHHHHH… nature?’
‘No! Because I have nothing to protect’
‘AUGHHHH… Okay’
‘So I am going to find myself something to protect’
‘YEEEAAAAHHH…. COOL!!!!’

The Following Week:

August 15th

I start my Activa and make it a point to visit all the martial arts classes in Bangalore.
Soon I reach the Bangalore jujutsu club.
The chief instructor was a short hairy man who took pleasure in jumping over ledges and hanging.
I walked up to him
‘I WANT SOMETHING TO PROTECT’
After banging his head on the wall, He asked me what I learned so far.
‘keyhole jutsu, shadow cloning jutsu’
I showed him the certificate the ninjutsu guys mailed me.
He was speechless, he didn’t say a thing.
I told him I would be an instructor at his dojo as soon as I find something to protect.
He nodded and asked me whether I would join the class.
I decided to go and see how things would go

August 17th

The first day he made us run 2 km, fool! What does running have to do with fighting?
This was followed by pushups and other bodyweight workouts. THAT’S WHAT BODYBUILDERS DO! EXERCISE! WHAT THE FUCK?

August 18th

Today was kickboxing practice.
I decided to spar with a woman. So what if she was really old? If I practice with her, she’ll be strong.

August 19th

I woke up today, granny knocked me out with a hit on the temple, I shouldn’t have gone easy on her.
These people had nothing to protect, they drank Whey protein after every workout like morons.
I decided to quit class and find something which I could protect.

August 24th

I visited a dojo with astonishing people.
Outside the dojo was a shopkeeper, he kept telling everyone how he used karate to defend his shop from thieves, cool!
As I went in, there was a 12. yr old manhandling 5-6 yr. olds and screaming ‘HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA’
He would grab tonfas and sais and knock out the entire primary school class which came to learn karate.
As I went in further, he came charging towards me with tonfas and started hitting my hand,
I got angry, grabbed his legs and threw him like a mat, knocking him out.
Heh! I wasn’t a ninjutsu master for nothing.
Looking at the commotion and knocked out children, a young mom came and started shouting for the senior members.
A man came
‘who the fuck are you, asshole?’ the angry mom shouted after seeing her 3 yr. old busted open with a tonfa.
‘I am Puneet’ he said while holding his crotch tightly.
The angry mom had awesome jugs.
Being a ninja master, I was staring at them with my binotculars behind the chair but puneet was downright gazing at them while pressing his crotch
I swear I heard him murmur repeatedly ‘I am not turned on I am not turned on I am not turned on’
The mom shouted ‘Why the fuck are you holding your dick?’
‘shut up! My chasity belt will fall off’ Puneeth said as he chopped his crotch, knocking himself out.The poor mother lifted the almost dead 3 yr. old and started rushing to a hospital.

‘Hey you, son of a bitch! How long were you intending to snipe at my boobs with your 20 rupee binotculars!’

Damn! She found me!
Bitch! My binotculars cost 800 rupees, it was the special edition from japan that only the hawker in kormangala sold.
It took him a lot of contacts to get them and he had decided to give them only to a special man!
After Puneeth came to his senses, he informed me about his dojo
It seemed interesting only for other than the fact that you are thrown out the moment you get an erection, castration was a punishment too.

September 5th

Ashwin of the Bangalore jujutsu club never called me regarding my absence, he so feared me. Pawned him!!!
Today, I went to a school, some martial art was being taught there

The activity was clearly abundant, as I was coming up the stairs, I saw people jumping off chairs, some hurriedly starting practice.
Eagerness is very good.
The grandmaster was some Srinivasan guy, he was a 10th degree black belt in 10 different arts. WOW!
As I entered in, every student bowed to him, how cool!
‘Yes, child, what do you want here?’
‘I want to be a fighter, I only want to fight, not exercise and stuff’
‘You have come to the right place, son. I am the master of binot-ryu’
‘What does Binot-Ryu mean?’
‘It means nothing to protect ryu’

NOW I SEE!

THESE PEOPLE REPRESENTED POVERTY! THESE PEOPLE HAD NOTHING! I VOW TO PROTECT THEM!

I WILL BE THE SAVIOR OF THE POOR. I WILL TREAT THEM LIKE MY OWN BROTHERS! INFACT I WOULD CALL THESE PEOPLE ‘BROTHER’ TO MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE MY OWN.

‘I WILL JOIN YOU!’

Their fees were 5000 rupees a month.
Which wasn’t a big deal for me, when I asked why so much?
‘It isn’t for me, I send the money to the poor in charity’ the master said.

I WAS RIGHT! EVEN MASTER DIDN’T HAVE MONEY, HE SENT IT TO OTHERS, I WAS GOING TO ERADICATE POVERTY AS WELL BE A DOUBLE BLACK BELT NOW.

A Man named Sohail was now my sempai (senior)

August 2007:

My mom, tired of me stealing her cosmo magazines to masturbate, got me the internet.
She promised to buy me a few prostitutes if I am still a virgin at 21,

November 2007:

After a few months of watching porn on the internet, I started surfing on Martial Arts.
I was downright insulted looking at a forum calling Martial Arts India on the famous Orkut network.
Sohail Sempai was getting insulted by people, most of them from Bombay in India.
I vowed to protect poverty and I would not let this slip, so what Sohail is poor? He is a man too! I will go to Bombay and regain the binot-ryu pride.

November 24th
‘Dad, I want to leave home for a while!’ I said.

‘REALLY? YOU MEAN IT? YOU PROMISE?’ He was so concerned.
‘yes, I will be off for long’
‘GOOD! HERE, TAKE MONEY FROM ME! YOU CAN GO TO ESSEL WORLD FIRST, HAVE FUN, TOUR, TAKE AS LONG AS YOU WANT’
My dad was so upset, his eyes were watery though his face was smiling.
I decided to leave early 2008 after mastering some poverty techniques.
Dad excused himself to make calls.
I overheard something like ‘chutya jaa rahaa hai’
I wonder who was leaving.

December:

I practice this month with Sohail, Puneeth and Shravan with the condition of no damage to my penis.
I made it a point to wear a crotch guard throughout, Shravan often attempted to bite my dick.

January 4 2008:

I leave for Bombay on my Activa.

January 7, 2008:

I reach Bombay to challenge the insulting people: Benny, Wolf, Aum and Neville.
As I reached the outskirts of Bombay, I crashed courtesy of a pothole the size of a crater.

January 8, 2008:

I feel someone touching me
I wake up punching.
The doctor with the moustache knocks me out by a neck chop.

January 9, 2008

Same as January 8.

January 10, 2008.

I decide to get back at the doctor when I am in attacking stance. Not now.
I start on my own to the Mahalaxmi racecourse as mentioned in the community. That is where they train I understand.
I asked directions and got by till Sion, Therein I asked a tattooed guy on a bullet for directions.
I followed his directions as I kept riding till 4 hours later in the night.
Tired and exhausted, I parked the activa and went to grab dinner at a local place.
‘You seem tired’ a man told.
‘I am a ninjutsu master and protector of the poor, I cannot be tired’ I replied.
‘uhh… okay, I am into martial arts too, don’t know as much as you do, though’
‘okay, so introduce yourself!’ I commanded.
‘I am Indraneel’
‘Indraneel, how do I get to Mahalaxmi racecourse?’
‘There is no such place around here?’
‘I thought it was famous here in Bombay’

January 11th:

I noticed I had been misled.
I would have to spend the entire day getting back to Bombay.
After 6 hours, I reached a place called Mulund.
At was morning, I saw a tall boy boxing in a garden, I noticed he had like twenty books around him.
I introduced myself as the ninjutsu master, he was eager to spar.
While fighting, he would read a book in one hand and hit with the other, he also had a PDA, when he got hit, he would surf Wikihow to: How to avoid a karate punch/kick/whatever.
After 30 minutes he did a cheap hit by knocking me out with a book.

January 12th:

I find some interesting things in Bombay, namely a ninjutsu and Jeet Kune Do class.

January 13th
I end up at a college outside Bandra.

A guy was bet fighting there; he smashed his thumb in his opponent’s prick to win
As he turned to the rest, I noticed he had the same tattoo as the one on the bullet did. He had a bullet too!
I knew him! He was the guy which the teenage girls in Bangalore considered the source of their porn, he had semi nudies posted up all over the internet.
He was the only porn source without being a porn site.
In the name of poor culture, I decided to bring an end to his porn ambitions.
I threatened a 4 yr. old to pass a letter to him which read:
‘Tonight, I will end your porn! Meet me outside KFC at midnight’
He scratched his head and left.

January 14th

1am

He is late. I wonder if he is lost or scared.
Probably scared.
I saw him,
On his bullet, with the thumping noise, I got in my attack stance.
He was not stopping

January 15th

I wake up in attack stance
doctor knocks me out

P.S Why do people here knock me out all the time?????

January 16th:

That tattooed bastard ran me down, I was taking a walk on the terrace, I saw the moustache doctor near construction sites.
They would give him all the disposable bricks and he would hack them.
He would hack them while drinking gallons of water and the only words you could hear from him were: ‘meat! I want more meat!’
After finishing his 6th chicken, he did his roundup.
While eating Kheema Pav.
‘Where is Mahalaxmi racecourse?’ I asked him.
‘Take a cab’ he replied.
‘do you know where it is?’
‘I go there often’
‘Do you know Neville Bulsara? Very well. I want to meet him and defend binot ryu’
‘Are you sure? Wolf ran over you yesterday.’

DAMN IT! IT WAS A CONSPIRACY! I WILL RECOVER AND DEFEAT THOSE TWO.

I read the name tag on the Doctor’s shirt.

DAMN! SO THAT’S WHY HE HAS BEEN KNOCKING ME OUT!

‘Take me to him next week, I’ll beat Neville Bulsara’
Aum quickly went to the window, I heard faint snickering and he came back.
‘okay’

January 20th.

I went to mahalaxmi racecourse, it’s a long walk from the station, Aum insisted I ran back and forth to improve my ninjutsu hiding skills.
I met Wolf who got knocked out upon pronouncing Aum’s name wrongly.
I met Neville Bulsara.
HE?

HE WAS NEVILLE?

He was as skinny as a rail! With grey hair and all!

Lol!

He is gonna fight me?

I challenged him upon meeting.

Feb 24th

I haven’t been able to write upgrades because of my finger joints being broken.
Neville’s idea of Nastier can get pretty painful.
I left Bombay after hearing a thousand Zen verses from Neville Bulsara.
Currently I am on my way to Punjab.

Feb 30th

I finally reached Punjab; I noticed this is the only state in the world where they have a 30th Feb. The population finds is very difficult apparently otherwise.
I went to a Gatka Akhada where I met Dilgit from the community.
What was the weird bright uniform and obsession with Salman Khan I wonder, and don’t bikes other than bullets exist in Punjab?
We were practicing punching, these guys were heavy and punched hard.
Taking Wolf’s inspiration I tore a turban off to distract and assault.

Unknown date:

I was knocked out and currently in a dark place.
I can feel my blood all around, those sardars are pretty sensitive to jokes.

March 3:
I noticed light above me, some people in black costumes opened took me out of the dark place.
I noticed I had been fedexed to Pakistan by Diljit.
He either has a terrible sense of humour or short temper.
They took me out and fed me.
When asked what do I do, I showed them my online course ninjutsu certificate.
They were dancing in happiness and their captian, Musa invited me to join their gang, pakninjas and become their master.
I converted to Islam for reasons of survival and started teaching ninjutsu in Pakistan, after accepting the code of honour laid down by the ninjutsu forum.
Only that we were now ninjas supporting poverty with regard to my vow to bino-ryu.